Shot in the Groin

Here's another actual news item::

(Scroll down for my comments)

Sicily Man Shoots Self in Groin to Get Sympathy From Girlfriend

ROME (Reuters) - A man in Sicily asked a friend to shoot him in the groin in the hope of making his ex-girlfriend feel sorry for him, police said on Friday.

Police in the central Sicilian city of Piazza Armerina said they became suspicious when the 27-year-old went to hospital with wounds from a hunting rifle's pellets in the groin area.

At first he said the wounds had been caused in a hunting accident, but later admitted he had asked a friend, 16, to shoot him in an attempt to win back the affection of his girlfriend, who had apparently left him because of his violent character.

The man's wounds are expected to heal, doctors said.

Police said the man, and the 16-year-old, had been charged in connection with the shooting. Local reports said the man's ex-girlfriend had made clear she never wanted to see him again.

My Thoughts

To start off, here's a list of places I would shoot myself before shooting myself in the groin:

1. Shoulder
5. Kidney
6. Nose
7. Teeth
8. Knee
9. Liver
10. Eye
11. Tooth
12. Head
13. Chin
14. Finger
15. Thumb
16. Chest
17. That little notch in the center of my upper lip (I forget what it's called)
18. Mouth
19. Heel
20. Navel
21. Palm of hand
22. Bone
23. Hand
24. Arm
25. Groin
26. Heart
27. Ear
28. Buttock
29. Rib
30. Tongue
31. Face
32. Nose
33. Shoulder


Also, if I was going to ask someone to shoot me in the crotch, I don't think I'd ask a 16 year old. I would first look for someone who has had previous experience shooting people in the crotch. Failing that, I'd try to find a person who was, I don't know, how about, let's say, at least old enough to vote. When choosing a candidate to perform the groin-shooting, I think for my preference would lie for those in the age range of 21 to 65.






Prelude to the Shooting:
Man : "How will I get my ex-girlfriend back? How about flowers? No, that's not gonna work. Chocolates? No."
Friend : "How about you let me shoot you in the crotch."
Man : "Why, that's a capital idea. But what shall we let the authorities, should we get caught?"
Friend : "We can tell them it was a hunting accident. We'll say I mistook your groin for a Canada Goose."
Man : "You're a genius. My friend, your intelligence belies the fact you're only 16!"

This news item sounds like an bad O. Henry story.
Girlfriend : "Thank you for shooting yourself in the groin for me. Now I will reward you with passionate sex."
Man : "But I can no longer have passionate sex since I've been shot in the groin."
Girlfriend : "Damn. I never want to see you again!"

So basically this guy's thinking went:
My Problem : "I need to win my ex-girlfriend back."
Solution : "I know! I'll get a 16 year old to shoot me in the crotch."

It's probably not the first solution that comes to mind for most people. I wonder how this gentleman would solve other problems he may have.

Problem : "My neighbor's dog won't stop barking."
Solution : "I know! I'll get a 16 year old to shoot me in the crotch."

Problem : "My bathroom sink is clogged."
Solution : "I know! I'll get a 16 year old to shoot me in the crotch."

Problem : "I don't know what to get my Aunt for Christmas."
Solution : "I know! I'll buy her an Avon Beauty Soap Set (they smell ever so wonderful!)… and then I'll get a 16 year old to shoot me in the crotch."


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