***** January 17, 2009 Update: Check out the Blog *****
Original Email sent to Fuji-Hakone Guest House, Sengokuhara, Japan :
Dear Sirs,
I am planning on visiting your country early next year. I always travel with a chimpanzee. Her name is Bongo. Now, I understand you have a strict "No Pets" policy. I don't believe this policy will apply to us because Bongo is not technically a pet. She is my life partner. And we have the papers (from the State of Nevada) to prove it.
Speaking of pets, Bongo does have a pet of her own: a gerbil named "Richard Gere." The gerbil will not make the trip because of your "No Pets" policy.
By the way, I will be bringing along a large cardboard box clearly marked "FECES." Please do not be alarmed. This box does not contain real feces, but fake dog poop that Bongo and I use for our traveling comedy act.
I will most probably be coming for a week in early February. I plan to attend the Folk Festival where my favorite band, "The Frivolous Lawsuits," will be performing. Have you ever seen them in concert? They are great!
Do you have any vacancies in early to mid February?
Also is it possible to get a no smoking rooms as both Bongo and I hate this filthy habit?
Sincerely,
Willam "Buzz" Shaw
Response from Fuji-Hakone Guest House, Sengokuhara, Japan :
Dear Willam san
Hello.
Thank you for your email.
Actually, our maneger is away at a moment, He will
back in 2 weeks then we will ask about you.
We are not be able to accept your offer yet.
Could you wait for our reply ?
Best regards,
Fuji-Hakone Guest House
Second response from Fuji-Hakone Guest House, Sengokuhara, Japan:
Dear William san,
Hello! We're sorry that it took us a long time to write you back again.
We'd love to welcome you and Bongo,but we have some questions to more clear about Bongo before we accept your reservation. Since this is our first time to have animal in hour Guest House, we're very curious about Bongo.
1. Does Bongo need futon bed or you can bring here own bed?(Is single room okay?)
2. How does she take shower and use toilet?
3. How do you come here? Are you going to use public transportation?
4. How big is Bongo?
5. If you have a chance,could you give us a little show of Bongo? (^-^)
We hope to hear from you again soon.
Warm regards,
Fuji-Hakone Guest House
My second email to the fine people at Fuji-Hakone Guest House, Sengokuhara, Japan:
Hello everyone at Fuji-Hakone Guest House,
Thank you for responding. Here are the answers to your questions:
1. Bongo can share the bed with me. No futons necessary for this monkey! Would it be possible to request a bedroom facing East?
2. You asked how Bongo takes a shower and uses a toilet. Well, without going into the unpleasant details, she usually goes to the toilet while taking a shower. It's disgusting, but you have to admit, it does save time. And time is important to chimpanzees since they don't live as long as us.
3. We will be flying to Europe on Grand Simian Airlines. From there, we will most probably take Singapore Airlines as I hear their food is delicious! By the way what kind of chimp food is available in Japan? I know you guys are big on sushi, but my monkey ain't gonna eat no raw fish!
4. I would say Bongo is a standard size chimp. In other words, smaller than a Hamadryas Baboon, but bigger than your average Ring-tailed Lemur (not including it's tail).
5. We would love to give you a show. You must understand, however, that Bongo is somewhat of a "diva." Sometimes, when Bongo gets into one of her moods, she can be as difficult as Christina Aguilera!
Thank You,
William
Response from Fuji-Hakone Guest House, Sengokuhara, Japan :
Dear William san,
Thank you very much for your reply. We could got to know about Bongo more from your e-mail. Now, we have some things that we have to tell you about our Guest House to have Bongo stay here.
First, you told us that Bongo sleep with you in the same futons. So, we think about smell of Bongo.
Does she smell of animal? If so, it cost more to do the laundry for those sheets and futons. So, we are little worry about this matter.
Second, our Guest House is popular of the hotspring. Therefore, shower room (hot spring) and restroom is totally separated. Also, other guest use the same hot spring. So, it'll be difficult for us to accept that Bongo goes to the toilet while taking shower. We do understand that time is important for the chimpanzees, and this is natural custom for the them though.
We're very sorry for this inconvenience. We hope you don't feel bad. However, if you still think of staying our Guest House after consider these issues, please let us know. We want you to know that we still love to have you and Bongo in our Guest House.
We hope to hear from you again soon.
Warm regards,
Fuji-Hakone Guest House
My email to the Fuji-Hakone Guest House, Sengokuhara, Japan:
Merry Christmas to everyone at the Fuji-Hakone Guest House!!
Do you have Christmas in Japan? If not, just picture
Thanksgiving, but with more gifts. That’s assuming you know
about Thanksgiving. Do you have Thanksgiving in Japan? If not
just picture Christmas, but with less gifts.
Thank you for your email.
You asked if Bongo smells like an animal. She does indeed smell
like an animal (another thing she’s got in common with Christina
Aguilera). Interestingly enough though, the animal she smells
like is a Koala Bear and not a chimpanzee. I don't really know
why that is.
If you want, I can bring bedsheets for Bongo.
I’m glad you understand how important time is to chimps. Also,
I fully understand your concern over a chimp crapping in the
shower of your guesthouse. That's the kind of thing that might
cost your guesthouse a star or two in the Tourist Guide!
I'm sure you would hate the Japan Tourist Guide to say something
like:
"At the Fuji-Hakone Guest House, travelers will find comfortable
accommodations and thoughtful amenities at an affordable
price... if they can just look past the monkey defecating in the
shower room."
I'm training Bongo to wear diapers to solve the problem of her
going to the bathroom all over the place. So far, she doesn’t
seem to mind wearing them. But unfortunately it looks
incredibly goofy when Bongo walks while wearing a diaper.
I mean really, really goofy.
Imagine in your head a chimp trying to walk while wearing a
diaper. Now try to keep from laughing. Do you see what I
mean?
I was thinking of maybe ordering some customized diapers with a
picture of a disaster printed on them. It might be easier to
keep from laughing, if Bongo is wearing a diaper with a picture
of say, the Hindenberg blowing up on it.
Sadly, we may have to postpone our trip to Japan since Bongo’s
temperament is getting worse. She is becoming less like
Christina and developing a more in-your-face attitude similar to
Avril Lavigne! And this is affecting our comedy act.
We hope to go to Japan in late Spring/early Summer now.
I guess my questions are:
1. Can I buy diapers in Japan? Bongo would need Huggies Supreme
Size 4.
2. Do you have rooms available in March or June?
3. Have you had any experience with other animals at your
guesthouse? Chimps or any other animals?
4. Do you have any other concerns or questions about Bongo?
Please let me know if you do. I promise I will not get
offended. It is good to get any possible concerns answered
before I get to Japan.
