My Thoughts on the African Midget Riot of 2003

You may have heard of this real news item posted below:

(Scroll down for my comments)

Dec. 06, 2003

Riot in Sierra Leone Over Midget No-Show
CLARENCE ROY-MACAULAY
Associated Press

FREETOWN, Sierra Leone - Thousands of fans rioted at Sierra Leone's national stadium Saturday when authorities substituted two local dwarf comedians for a widely anticipated out-of-town midget duo. Police arrested 30 people, amid damage and dozens of injuries.
Daylong radio ads had whipped up excitement and ticket sales for Friday night's scheduled performance by the two Nigerian entertainers, Aki and Paw Paw.
The Nigerian performers failed to show by early morning. Organizers put the two local dwarf comedians on the stage instead.
Fans rioted, throwing projectiles and smashing windows, light fixtures and hundreds of chairs.
Witnesses said police fired tear gas. Authorities said 30 people were arrested, including eight who allegedly had tried to steal the stadium's seats.
Dozens of show-goers were reported injured in the melee. Saturday, blood splattered parts of the stadium.
Acting President Solomon Berewa, filling in while President Ahmed Tejan Kabbah is at a Commonwealth summit in Nigeria, toured the riot site Saturday and condemned the violence.
Sierra Leone's National Stadium was built as a gift from China. The stadium was under repairs for damage from the West African nation's devastating 10-year rebellion, ended in January 2002.

My Thoughts

FREETOWN, Sierra Leone - Thousands of fans rioted at Sierra Leone's national stadium Saturday when authorities substituted two local dwarf comedians for a widely anticipated out-of-town midget duo. Police arrested 30 people, amid damage and dozens of injuries.

Okay, so thousands of fans rioted. Wow. So that implies at least 2,000 people rioted. That's right. Over 2,000 people in Sierra Leone (a country trying to recover from an 11 year civil war between the government and the Revolutionary United Front (RUF) which resulted in tens of thousands of deaths and the displacement of more than 2 million people) were pissed off because they were presented with impostor midgets.

"Hey Charles Jalloh, how did you lose your eye? Were you fighting for the government against the RUF rebel forces in Sefadu?"
"Er… no, not quite. I got hurt in the midget comedy show riot caused when the fraudulent dwarf comics appeared."

And how would you like to be one of the people who was arrested?

"I'm in here for plotting to overthrow the government. So, what are you in for?"
"I was arrested for instigating violence when we were denied the midgets who were previously advertised."

Daylong radio ads had whipped up excitement and ticket sales for Friday night's scheduled performance by the two Nigerian entertainers, Aki and Paw Paw.

Just how exactly do you "whip up" excitement for a dwarf comedy duo?
"Come to Aki and Paw Paw's show! They're twice as funny as Letterman but only half the size. One day only! Be there or BE NOWHERE! Price is 10 dollars for adults and kids 12 and under come FREE! Come early before the big show for BIG EARL'S BBQ BONANZA featuring the vocal stylings of Tony Danza. We promise you will see the REAL Aki and Paw Paw. There will be no substitutions!"

The Nigerian performers failed to show by early morning. Organizers put the two local dwarf comedians on the stage instead.
Fans rioted, throwing projectiles and smashing windows, light fixtures and hundreds of chairs.

I just hope and pray the "projectiles" they threw didn't include those poor midgets.

Witnesses said police fired tear gas. Authorities said 30 people were arrested, including eight who allegedly had tried to steal the stadium's seats.

What the hell would you do with a seat from the stadium? "This is gonna look great next to the armoire in the bedroom."

Dozens of show-goers were reported injured in the melee. Saturday, blood splattered parts of the stadium.
Acting President Solomon Berewa, filling in while President Ahmed Tejan Kabbah is at a Commonwealth summit in Nigeria, toured the riot site Saturday and condemned the violence.
Sierra Leone's National Stadium was built as a gift from China. The stadium was under repairs for damage from the West African nation's devastating 10-year rebellion, ended in January 2002.

I would have loved to see Acting President Solomon Berewa condemning the violence. How the hell could you condemn a midget no-show riot without laughing your ass off?
If I was the President of Sierra Leone, I would have said something like:
"All those of you who were at the midget comedy show {giggle} and rioted when you found out about the Midget Substitution, ought to be ashamed of yourselves. You have embarrassed our proud nation, {giggle} by instigating violence when you Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha, Ha Ha Ha … Damn, I can't do this! Ha Ha Ha …"

A prelude to a riot - The promoters get antsy: "Where the hell are Aki and Paw Paw? They should have been here by now." "I don't know man, but if they're not here soon, we're going to have to find a couple of other midgets to take their place."

Important Questions

1. Just how many freaking midget comedians are there in Western Africa?
I love the fact there are enough available to do a last minute replacement.
I mean, if I was setting up a midget duo comedy show in my hometown and the midget comics didn't show up… Guess what? THERE WOULD BE NO SHOW!! That's pretty much it. I'll give you a refund. I have no stable of backup midget comics from which to draw. If I made a list of things I don't have in my life, close to the top would be:
A Surplus Of Midget Comics.

2. Where the hell was Paw Paw?
I can understand Aki missing the show. He was probably high on midget crack and having midget sex with midget prostitutes, as always, and forgot about the performance. But, as I'm sure you're all aware, Paw Paw is usually the consummate professional when it comes to comedy. So where the hell was Paw Paw??!!

3. Does anyone know the whereabouts of Gary Coleman and Emmanuelle Lewis on December 06, 2003?
I wonder if they were the midget comics used for the substitution. Probably not, since the article says "local" dwarf comedians were substituted. But I still wonder…

5. What is the world coming to when you can't take your family out to see a midget comedy act without fearing a riot?

6. Where would dwarf swapping rank on a list of reasons for rioting throughout history?

7. If you were at a midget comedy show and impostor midgets took to the stage, could you really tell the difference?
I'd be thinking "Well, there's a couple of little people and they're telling jokes. That's good enough for me."
But apparently the citizens of Sierra Leone are connoisseurs when it comes to midget comics.

8. How many times does the word midget appear on this page?
28 times (including the one in the last sentence.)

The Dwindling Midget Comic Population

"Hey! Wait a minute! That's not Aki! I know Aki and THAT'S NOT AKI!!"

Paw Paw after his "Queer Eye for a Straight Guy" Makeover bears a striking resemblance to Emmanuelle Lewis.